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# Why Not Me? Expanding Self-Perception
- URL: https://www.connercarey.com/blog/why-not-me-expanding-self-perception/
- Published: 2024-02-09T14:00:20.000Z
- Updated: 2026-05-31T01:21:56.000Z
- Description: Nothing makes anyone more special or capable than you. Don't you dare let anyone (or anything) convince you otherwise.
- Author: Conner Carey
- Tags: On Music, Personal Essay, Dispatches

**Nothing makes anyone more special or capable than you**.

Don't you dare let anyone (or anything) convince you otherwise. 

You can do it, accomplish it, create it (what-so-ever ***it*** is) — if you’re willing to go on the journey and commit to the process. 

This world, with all its silliness and meddlings, be damned. 

You are more powerful.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/a6/c1/a6c15df5-7cb3-44fa-b269-c25c972599f6/content/images/2024/02/josh-appel-YOtOiHdwPqo-unsplash-1.jpg)

Josh Appel / Unsplash

I spent so much time telling myself reasons why I couldn’t make music:

- I don’t know how to play piano.
- I don’t have the resources to pay for production.
- It’s too hard to succeed.
- Blah, blah, blah.

**I hardly heard myself repeating the thoughts that grew as branches from a rooted belief I learned about myself:** 

"This isn't possible for me."

Yet the desire haunted me, masquerading as sadness, bitterness, and longing. The feelings sat on my shoulders like tiny ghosts, "hee"-ing and "haw"-ing about decisions I *could-have*, *should-have* made.

As I approached 30, I realized how much I *would have* learned from 20 to 30 if I’d diligently focused my energy. Which led to a new thought, "***what can I learn in the decade I am about to receive?"***

This line of thinking showed me a way out. 

> **Instead of deciding my voice memos can't become songs I'm excited to share, I started asking, "what would it take?"** 

I did *not* like the answer! The answer was **overwhelming**. 

Once again, the laundry list of *why not* populated my brain: "I don’t know music theory. I don't know how to produce music. I don't even know everything that I need to know!"

**But none of that changes if I don't change it.** 

Here’s the kicker: I still don’t know how to produce my music! Ha! But,

- I started pursuing a part-time degree with [Berklee Online](https://online.berklee.edu/?ref=connercarey.com).
- I took two classes each on music theory and music business — wow, did they open my eyes.
- I take piano lessons every other week and (try to) practice daily.

Now, I'm in my second year of school and *first music production course!*

I'm committed to the journey and deeply appreciative to have supportive friends and family. Nonetheless, working full-time while taking two classes a semester is no joke. I'm so busy it's silly. 

**And, it’s worth every early morning, late night, and weekend**, because the ghosts of my desire are no longer haunting me. 

**What does it look like to let go of everything that anyone has said — and act from the quiet truth inside?*

I feel purposeful in my weekly decisions to show up for myself by continuing to learn and create. And I am learning how to best support my most realized and unabated self along the way. 

It’s not about the end goal, of which I have many. I will get there (and build new dreams upon the old) because I have no intention of stopping. 

In which case, there’s nothing left to do but enjoy the ride.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/a6/c1/a6c15df5-7cb3-44fa-b269-c25c972599f6/content/images/2024/02/etienne-girardet-EP6_VZhzXM8-unsplash-1.jpg)

Etienne Girardet / Unsplash