welcome to my tiny digital home
music & writing for a slow life with big love
hello,
my name is Conner Carey. i'm a writer, songwriter, singer, and performer sharing the journey of building a creative process and business that supports me, my family, and an expansive life.
i consider this website my tiny digital home and garden, a cozy space for my creative works. I invite you to wander around and hope you stumble upon something that delights the senses or contains the nectar you're seeking.
🎶 listen to my first song release
🌀 explore past writing
bits & bobs
- i've been singing and performing since before i can remember.
- i'm still mad B&N never brought back the huge comfy chairs post COVID.
- i'm highly likely to ask you your "big three" in astrology.
- i have classic millennial love for various properties, including ghibli movies, sailor moon, k-pop demon hunters, steven universe, and on.
- i adore swimming, especially in natural bodies of water. my favorite dreams are at the bottom of the ocean surrounded by sea creatures.
- most of my songs start from a capella voice. i want to gain significantly more piano and composition skills toward the goal of writing musicals.
The Trident 🧜🏼 — a monthly journal & spell shop on creative process, music, and life.
Every creative pursuit is two journeys: iterative and emotional.
The Trident reflects on the alchemy of making art and allowing it (yourself) to be seen. Scariest of all (for me) it's about the journey, not the end point. There's no room for perfectionism or performance. I'll save that for the stage.
my lore (the long version)
I was a child of Britney Spears and NSYNC. I watched music videos on VH1 before every day of middle school.
As a teenager, I stoked the fires of my eating disorder on Tumblr and taught myself HTML and CSS to code sick layouts for MySpace.
I grew up middle class; you know, when America had one. I was 15 when my mom chose freedom over security and my parents divorced.
After that, Mom and I lived below the poverty line. It was a major wake-up call to the litany of advantages I had been able to take for granted.
Meanwhile, I dreamed of stardom in Los Angeles or New York. My mom even took money from her savings so I could attend a 4-week acting program at New York Film Academy in LA. It was life-changing in the best way.
But I was scared. Scared I was too fat to succeed. Scared I would always struggle to make ends meet. Scared the big city would swallow me whole.
I lived on the inside of myself, so nothing outside could hurt me. But it meant that no one really saw me because I didn't let them. I felt the most myself when I pretended to be a Broadway star in my room late at night.
One night, I found an answer I didn't know I was looking for. From a Facebook ad, I discovered a hippie college in middle-of-nowhere Iowa. "Conscious-based education. Vegetarian meals. One course a month." Yes, please.
By the end of summer 2010, Mom and I visited the small town. I met other potential students who were weirdos like me. I got accepted into the university and away we went...somewhere over our rainbow.
2011
I unfurled. I found myself. I smoked weed for the first time. I fell in love and got my heart thoroughly broken. I performed. I became known as a performer. In a small town of 10,000, I felt famous.
Then I got sick. I was committed to the hospital...a story for another day. I nearly lost my life, and it forced me to let go of hating my body.
I entered an era of self-love and self-dedication. I wrote hundreds of poems and a musical, The End of the World.
2016
Shifting Gears
I spent a lot of time writing and directly dismissing any idea of pursuing music. With a love of marketing and business, I tried my hand at several online ventures to test my skills but struggled to create a product I was passionate about.
But at 30, I started thinking about the rest of my life. I started asking myself what I loved enough to build slowly, learn continuously, and dedicate myself to for decades. Songwriting, singing, and performance started tapping its heel loudly in the corner of my mind. I didn't have any reason not to try left.
Find what you can do the slowest, the longest, and still absolutely love it. Do what scares you." - Christina Koch, Artemis II Crew
In 2022, I started attending Berklee Online part-time, in addition to my 9-5. I spent six semesters learning a tremendous amount. That period of time was fabulous for filling my knowledge reservoir, but it didn't leave any room for application.
When I left, I knew I needed community to push me forward. I joined an online songwriting group with other people working toward releasing their first or twentieth release. I spent the next year immersed in songwriting, creating about 200 songs on the spectrum of just-a-hook to completed demo.
As I wrote, I realized I was finally healing my hospital trauma, finally telling my story in a way that 1) made sense to me 2) captured the complexity 3) shared the feeling across languages, enhanced by lyrics.
An album began to emerge. So here I am, doing this thang!
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Thank You for Being
I hope you find something that inspires, delights, or provides room for a cleansing breath. Thank you for continuing to be inside your body. I know it's not always easy, but I thank you for your commitment to being alive.
To the kick-ass creatives full of integrity and love, stay the course darlings. We're just getting started.
With love and badassery,
Conner
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